Why you shouldn’t wash your hands
My greatest nightmare came to life today.
It was a day that started out just like any other. I woke up, stared at the ceiling trying to convince myself that getting out of bed would prove to be worthwhile, and watched an episode of Mad Men on Netflix.
After that, my laziness was overcome by my appetite so I got out of bed. On my way out to pour myself a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries, I needed to take a pee.
The pee went as planned, only a few small droplets landed on the front of the seat-which I wiped off, because I’m a gentleman.
I scrubbed my hands and reached for the towel to dry them off. While my hand was reaching, it bumped my iPhone. (I say “iPhone” and not “phone” because that detail makes this story end so much more tragically.) My phone was bumped off the edge of the counter.
It fell in slow motion. Everything I knew and believed in was suddenly not important.
Splash.
My lifeline, my baby, my prized uninsured possession, was now sitting in the bottom of the porcelain bowl, generally occupied by much, much less valuable existence.
Soaked, it is now sitting in a bowl of rice because I guess that is what you’re supposed to do.
And that is why you should never wash your hands.
Sent from my Laptop :’(
