Associated Press—(Ames, IA) Jeffrey Lapchick, 28, gets 10 years in Iowa State Penitentiary after confessing to putting soda in water cups at over fifteen establishments in the greater Ames, IA area.
Lapchick, a dropout of the University of Wisconsin Eau Claire, had returned to Ames after being fired from his janitorial position at his former university. Mr. Lapchick was suspected of pulling his “soda in a water cup” act at the on-campus Taco Bell eatery. No formal charges were filed.
After an 8-month FBI investigation, officials set up a sting operation at an Ames Chipotle Mexican Grilll—a spot Lapchick was known to frequent—likely due to their water cups being similar in appearance to soft-drink cups. On December 24, 2012 upon receiving his water cup, Lapchick was spotted by undercover agents filling the drinking container with Sprite.
According to officials, after they swooped in, Lapchick reportedly yelled, “It’s water I swear! Look it’s clear! Take a sip if you don’t believe me, but I wouldn’t if I were you, I have a cold.”
Nancy Perkwiler, 46, witnessed the theft that finally brought Lapchick down. “The guy was yelling, ‘who has $1.99 to pay for soda? In this economy?!’” She recalled him shouting.
Lapchick, who was facing 30-40 years for his theft of tens of dollars of soda from restaurants across the Midwest, struck a deal with the FBI in exchange for a lesser sentence. “One condition of his plea deal is Mr. Lapchick must tell us how he did it so we know how to catch future crooks.” The agent continues, “So far he’s told us to target the restaurants that don’t give clear water cups as it is easier to conceal the stolen beverage in paper cups.” Additionally, the agent said of Lapchick’s advice, “a common beverage of choice for soda thieves is Sprite, due it its similar appearance to water.”
An official statement from an FBI spokesperson reads, “The FBI is proud of our arrest of one of the Midwest’s most notorious soda thieves. We hope this encourages people to think twice before putting anything besides good ol’ fashioned H20 in their free cup.”
Lapchick is expected to be released between 2021-2023.
Many of you may be asking, why is 4/20 the day everyone does weed? The history of this holiday is not widely known. But I did some research and I am here today to fill you guys in. It all began on April 20, 1969. The day the first marijuana plant was discovered. Spanish explorer and discoverer of America, Ponce de Leon, was walking his dog, Disco, through a forest near his home off the coast of southern California in the United States (the country between Canada and Mexico). PDL had just returned from a long week of exploring and was enjoying the relaxation. But, you know what they say “an explorer never stops exploring!” so of course his eyes are always peeled for new discoveries! Disco, a Corgi, was sniffing in some bushes near a large Apple tree when his little tail began wagging out of control. Ponce knew that wag. That meant his little guy found something neat. Leon dipped down low and sniffed the plant that Disco was sniffing. They were both just sniffing the plant, it was kind of weird actually. P had never seen a plant like it. He just had to figure out what it was. So he plucked the bizarre shrub from the earth and carried it back to his laboratory. He picked and prodded at what today avid pot-doers call “nugs” and was entranced. He loved the smell. He dumped out his potpuri bowl and filled it with all of the “nugs” from the plant. But the smell was still not strong enough for him. He wanted that smell to be inside of him. So he took a little bit out and put it in his tobacco bong and lit it. He smoked it and it felt really good! He told all his buddies and eventually it really became quite popular beyond his friend group. And to this day, people do pot regularly. All thanks to Ponce de Leon and little Disco’s discovery on April 20, 1969.
About a week ago, @bobbyhundreds DM’d me saying he’d like to send me some shirts from his clothing line ‘The Hundreds’ because he enjoyed my tweets. And today, a box showed up on my doorstep containing said shirts. So fucking cool of him to do that. @bobbyhundreds is also one of the most underrated humor tweeters out there right now, in my humble opinion. So follow him on Twitter, and check out http://thehundreds.com/ if youre interested in looking as sexy as I look in that cool ass shirt. Thanks again Bobby.
Every end of the year Twitter list of “who to follow” always includes every person we already follow. So I decided to take it upon myself to make a list of 140 underrated, super funny tweeters with less than 20,000 followers. Enjoy. Follow. Share. And don’t suck dick for money.
Funny tweets on hipster photos is back!
I don’t usually get excited about this stuff but how cool are those favs?!
I feel like a douche for making one of these for myself but that picture popped up, like a penis at daybreak.